i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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