yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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