margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
