If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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