Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize