somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
