I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
