Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
