I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
