If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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