Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
