Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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