Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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