I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
