I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
