He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
