Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
