dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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