So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
