I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
