I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
