The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
