It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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