is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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