Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
