I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
