I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
