just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
