um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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