I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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