I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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