Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
