Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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