Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
