Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
