she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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