You can't special order awesome
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This baby is an asshole
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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