my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
