i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
