omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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