I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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