I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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