I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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