my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
