turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
