Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize