You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
