Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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