I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Randomize
