I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
