dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
