i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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