I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
