I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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