If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
