Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
