I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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