so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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