Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
