ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
this will be a night to untag.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
