Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
