Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
