Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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