Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
