i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
