my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
