Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
FUCK WHALES
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
