woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
